I started Prozac on Saturday. I’m very… uh, confused about how I feel about taking it. 

On one hand, I’m excited to see if it will work. Because, who doesn’t want to be happy?

On the other hand, I’m really worried. Partly worried that it won’t work, and partly worried that it WILL work. Which sounds stupid. But here’s why. 

For way too long, I’ve been defined by Depression and my perfectionism. So taking a medicine that would work, would leave me kind of… lost. Because the Depression was so overwhelming and all consuming, I wouldn’t know who I am, or what I like/dislike, without it. What if everything about me changes once it starts working?

It might have even started working, and I’m already scared. The other day, I was having an okay day. Not too great, but typically better than a normal day. But once my mom got home, I was acting slightly manic. maybe hypo-manic. And I hated it. Aren’t you supposed to like the manic stages? I’m not even Bi-Polar! It does run in the family though. So maybe I’m developing it?

Enough ranting. It’s so frustrating when my thoughts are so super jumbled even in writing. Gosh.